Confessions From a Twenty-Year Reunion

So this weekend is my 20 year class reunion. Well not mine, but someone's. If it were mine that would imply that I am old enough to have graduated from high school 20 years ago and let's face it, there is just no way!

What fun! I'm serious. If you are looking in the mirror and saying "I can't go, I've gained 20, 30, 200 pounds! There is no way!" just stop it! Stop it right now!!

First of all, everyone has changed to some extent. If we haven't changed on the outside, we've changed on the inside. We're so different than we were when we were dewy eyed 18-year olds ready to take on the world. We've seen the world and sometimes it hasn't been pretty. Some of us wear our changes proudly, or not so much, on the outside. Others hide it away and you catch a glimpse only in the eyes. But all of us have changed.

So I say go. Go and have fun and forget about your hang ups from high school. Forgive the girl who passed around the love letter you spent hours composing, to all of her friends. Forgive the guy who looked at you like you had grown a third eye when you asked him to the tolo. Go and see what people are all about! See who has done what with their lives.

The stories will be as varied as the classmates. Some of us are stay-at-home moms, others are doctors and lawyers. Some are out of work dealing with personal demons, others have found their light after a long hard struggle. Some, unfortunately, are still struggling.

As for weight gain...trust me, lots of people have gained weight. Nobody cares! Only the pettiest among us are pointing and saying "Oh my GOD she's as big as a house!" and quite frankly, who has time for losers like that! Yeah, some of my classmates had gained weight. Some of us had lost weight. Some looked like they'd just taken off their cap and gown yesterday and strolled from the podium. Others wear their years much more openly.

The interesting thing is, though, if you just let yourself go and have fun, all those cliques, hang ups, and insecurities can just blow away with the wind.

Oh sure, there are still some people who HAVE those hang ups, but that's their problem...not yours. You just go and have fun.

Has She Gained the Weight Back Yet?

So today my husband tells me that people are asking if I've gained my weight back yet.

Excuse me?

Just what is that supposed to mean?

Am I doomed to gain my weight back? What kind of question is that even to ask? I mean do you go up to someone who has kicked alcohol and say "So have you started drinking again?"

Or do you go up to the reformed chain smoker and say "So have you started up on the cancer sticks again?"

I feel like I should be offended.

But I don't think they meant it to be offensive.

I just can't figure out exactly how they meant it.

The answer is no.

I have not gained my weight back.

I go through 1-2 pound fluctuations up and down each week sticking around the 115 area.

I don't intend to gain my weight back. This isn't just a dream or a wish. I'm actively working towards that goal of NOT gaining weight back.

So how am I doing it?

Well first of all, I continue to journal every single day. I'm doing the new Flex Points plan (insert trademark symbol here) and my target points are 27 per day. I upped them from 25-30 because I'm wondering if I'm eating enough in comparison to my activity points. If I happen to gain this week, I'll just drop back to 25.

Anyhow, I am also exercising every day. My goal is to NEVER earn less than four points. Generally I earn from 7-9. I am doing Curves with wrist weights, lifting weights for 30 minutes, running or biking, and doing 450 crunches per day. I am woman, hear me groan.

In addition I weigh in every week at the same time, naked as the day I was born, after plucking every hair from my body, scrubbing off every mitochondria that may be living on my skin, and taking a handful of diuretics. What? Is that extreme? Okay, maybe I exagerrate a little bit.

See I figure this...if it worked to get me to my goal, it'll work to keep me at my goal.

And soon people will not even remember that I used to be a fat chick. They will stop asking if I've gained my weight back. They will stop looking at me apologetically as they eat (like I care) because they're sure I'm judging their food intake. (I'm not. I promise. I'm much too busy looking at myself in the mirror to worry about what's on your plate.)

Won't that be cool? Imagine, people who won't even realize I was ever fat. Very cool.

Why the HELL do you CARE what I eat?

Okay...I hate judgemental people. I know, I've said that before. I also know I can be judgemental. But I'm different. I'm judgemental behind people's backs! I don't say directly to their face, "Oh you do that? Well you shouldn't, and here's my undesired list of reasons why..."

I think one of my favorite things about Weight Watchers is that it allows me to eat what I want within my points. It's like being given a daily allowance. Some days I might spend my pennies on candy, or feeding the ducks in the park, or buying nude pictures of The Rock to hang on my wall.

Other days I may be more fiscally responsible and invest my pennies in lemon drop futures, or war bonds, or nude pictures of The Rock to hang on my wall.

See, it's my money so I can choose to do with it what I please.

Well that's how points are. (Should I add that little trademark symbol? Will Weight Watchers sue me if I don't?) They are mine to spend, get this, as I damn well please.

So I'm on a few mailing lists and I post on a few boards because I have no actual life, just a virtual one. Talk starts about frozen foods and suddenly the heavens open, fire and brimstone rains down, and the holier than holies among us shake their collective fingers at us.

Pre-packaged foods are baaaaaaad...

Pre-packaged foods are full of sodiummmmmmmm...

Pre-packaged food eaters go to helllllll...

And then the newbies in the crowd grab onto each other and start cowering in the corner...fearing the worst. They just ate a Smart One yesterday and they had no idea it had the power to affect their afterlife.

Suddenly they start questioning themselves. "Am I doing Weight Watchers wrong? Can I stick to this? But pre-packaged foods work for me."

If they work for you, EAT THEM!

If you like them, EAT THEM!

If someone doesn't like that you like them, tell them to BITE YOU!

See, it is nobody's business how I spend my points. If I want to spend every single point I have eating chocolate covered boogars, one crispy little treat at a time, it's my own damn business...regardless of the sodium content.

If you don't like them. Fine! Feel free to sit at your computer and cluck cluck cluck to yourself about how horrifying my diet is because I had the audacity to snarf down a Lean Cuisine for lunch. By all means. Judge away, but keep it to yourself because I am NOT interested.

One person suggested that it would be better if I just made a turkey and then froze individual dinners to eat for lunches.

Yeah.

Because that's so convenient.

After all, with only two people in the family one turkey can feed us for MONTHS and nothing makes a lifestyle change more fun than eating the same food over and over again.

Okay, I know you can get a turkey breast and make just a few, but shhhhhh...I'm making a point and it works better if you have the visual in your head of my knee deep in dead bird carcass

Here's how I eat...some days, I eat healthy foods. Well, most days I do. You can't really do the chocolate diet and stay within Weight Watchers points without starving to death. (Scurvy is so unbecoming.)

Some days I eat almost all pre-packaged convenience foods because I'm just a rebel like that.

Or maybe, just because I'm busy and I don't have time nor energy to make a full meal.

Some days I snack a lot and eat junk food. Not often. Maybe this happens once or twice a month...but I do. I stay within points, but I do.

Other days my diet is so beautiful that Eul Gibbons rises up from the grave and calls me beloved, throwing handfuls of blessed Grape Nuts on me like flower petals.

Most days my diet falls in between. I eat all my veggies most of the time. I drink all my water, most of the time. I get my vitamins. I have a nice balance of protein and carbohydrates...and...what?...huh?

OH MY GOD SHE SAID THE C WORD!!!

Yes, I eat carbohydrates. And you know what? I don't count them either. I don't say "OH, I can't have this because it's too high in carbs" because silly me, I actually learned that the body needs carbohydrates to function. I try not to eat empty carbs very often (and then some days I do) but I do eat carbs and I do just fine.

The thing I find most ironic is that almost every time someone takes me to task on my diet they have been on Weight Watchers for a year and have lost 30 pounds. Don't get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with losing 30 pounds in a year, but if you're truly doing it right, exercising, not going over points ever, you're going to lose more than 30 pounds in a year.

Maybe the reason that I was more successful in my year on Weight Watchers actively losing is because I actually ate what I like! Maybe the reason that I haven't found it to be difficult to follow is because I listen to my body. Some days my body says "salad" other days it says "boxed faux meats". I didn't force myself into eating something that didn't taste or feel good to me just because I thought I should.

Now I'm not saying toss out the fresh fruit and invest in a walk in freezer, filling it with boxed foods. I'm just saying, eat what you want trying to strike a good balance between nutrition and desire. When you are tired, feel free to spark up the micro and zap yourself a box. When you're feeling fiesty, throw together a nine course, low-point turkey dinner and invite over the neighbors. Eat your veggies however you can...eat the ones you like. If brussel sprouts make your toes curl under and your ears spin, don't eat them. If you want to have carrots with every meal and don't mind a shiney orange sheen to your skin, go for it.

Do what tastes good and feels right and makes you happy and healthy...and tell others to mind their own damn business about what you put into your mouth.

Because I don't know about you, but I've been feeding Myself since I was two years old and I'm pretty sure at the age of 38 that I can handle it all on my own.