Where did my ass go?

I have no ass. I'm not kidding. I suffer from noassitol. It's horrible!

I used to have one. I used to have a large one, in fact. Axe handle and a half at least...okay, maybe not. But I did have one at one time.

All I can figure is someone stole it when I was in the hospital.

I'm down to 108 pounds. Now before you say "Wow, I wish I were 108 pounds."

No you don't.

No one over 5 feet tall should be 108 pounds.

It is not attractive.

I have no ass.

I have no boobs.

What I do have is a LOT of hanging skin and bones sticking out all over the place.

I guess I can wear a size 0 if I want to.

It would be cool if 108 looked good on me, but it doesn't. No one over the age of 12 should be this small. Icky icky icky.

Now I'm sure someone stumbling on this blog would read this and want to kick my skinny non-ass all over the map.

"Shut up!" They'd say. "I can't relate. I should have such a problem!"

But in reading further they'd see that I have no ass because of two surgeries and too much time in the hospital.

It is ironic, very ironic, that I now have to GAIN weight. Who wouldn't like THAT problem? At least I know I can gain weight. I used to be a PRO at gaining weight.

But back to the non-ass. It sucks. Honestly. If I stand sideways and you just see from my waist to my thighs you wouldn't be able to tell me which was my back and which was my front. They are both flat. There is just hanging skin where my behind used to be. What is up with that? It is not attractive at all!

Oh well. At least I'm home and can joke about having no ass. No more hospitals for me...I hope.

Home again!!

Well I'm home from the hospital for, I hope, the last time.

Here's the lowdown on what happened.

I was released last Thursday from my second surgery. I felt great all day Friday. Friday night about 8:30 or so I started bleeding from the hole where my biliary tube was. Quick trip to the hospital with the cute...err, nice paramedics. They kept me awhile, stopped the bleeding, gave me a CT scan to check for internal bleeding but found none, and sent me home.

Monday we were joking "If you make it until midnight you'll have TWO WHOLE DAYS home in a row." About 3 a.m. I woke up feeling feverish and sweaty. I reached to my side (having felt that way Friday as well) and felt blood. We were going to try to just get it to stop, but it wouldn't. Roy was going to drive me to the hospital, but as soon as I sat up I passed out. Put in another call to the cute...err, nice paramedics and back to the hospital. My hematocrit had dropped to 23 so they decided I need a few units of blood.

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Please, if you are so inclined, make an appointment with your local blood bank and give some blood. This is a lifesaver for many many people every day. There is SUCH a shortage right now. During my ordeal I have needed five units and feel bad that I can't "pay it back" for awhile. Please consider giving blood. You'll help save lives.

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After the blood I went home and felt much better. However later in the morning I found blood in my stool. That scared me, but the doctor told me unless there was a lot I shouldn't worry. It was probably from the bleed. Well later on I felt there was way more than I was comfortable with so Roy called and told him I was coming back to the hospital.

Tuesday I went into Interventional Radiology to check my biliary tube to see if it was ready to come out. It had been in for four weeks. Generally they stay in for six, but the doctor wanted it out if he could because it was obvious that was the culprit. It turned out it was ready to come out. While in IR they went ahead and gave me some lidocaine shots in the abdomen, which I am positive hurt MUCH more than what pain they might have been avoiding by giving me the shots, and pulled the tube out. That felt VERY funky. It bled quite a bit inside and out and scared me. At one point my blood pressure dropped to 76/36 which REALLY alarmed me. They quickly gave me some saline and monitored my vitals for 30 minutes with a nurse right there the entire time. After I stabalized they sent me back to my room and monitored two times every 30 minutes.

It turned out that the problem was related to where the tube was in the liver. The liver is a very vascular organ and it is not uncommon for the tube to pierce an artery when it is put in. It had done this and every now and again the clots would loosen causing bleeding internally and through the hole. The hope is that when the tube was removed the liver collapsed into the artery plugging things up. However, I now have to be on watch for the next two weeks for internal bleeding. After that I should be out of the woods. If I do bleed again they will put a catheter in through an artery in my groin and do a procedure to heal it up.

Because I hemorrhaged during the removal of the tube my crit dropped again to 25 so they decided to give me two more units yesterday and let me go home. Unfortunately it takes HOURS to type cross and match if there is no blood available in the hospital, so my blood didn't arrive until 9 p.m. Each unit takes 3 hours to complete so I didn't finish until nearly 4 a.m. Obviously I stayed another night. My crit this morning was 38 which gives me a nice cushion in case there is any bleeding.

So now I'm home and am feeling actually pretty good. I'm still weak, but not dizzy. My appetite is pretty good. I ate like a linebacker yesterday; pancakes, mac and cheese, turkey, cereal, poundcake, Ensure (that stuff is nasty). I've lost a few more pounds. I'm down to 108 as of this afternoon. I look HORRIBLE! I know that will be okay in the long run, though. I know how to put on weight. I used to be quite good at it.

I won't be going back to work until June at this point. Dagnabit. I miss my kids!

So please pray good strong clotting prayers so that I won't have to deal with any more trips to the hospital. I see my doctor Monday and he'll do a hematocrit on me to make sure I'm not losing any blood. I would really LOVE to stay home between now and then. As nice as the staff is on 7 Southwest at Swedish Medical Center...I really do not want to see them again unless it's just to visit and say "Thank you."