What I've Learned in

10.5 Months and 94 Pounds

By the way...I lost another two pounds this week, putting me two under goal. That makes me happy.

A lot of people ask how I did it because they want to know that there is hope...that all this measuring, counting, and exercising will some day pay off.

1. Motivation...I think your motivation has to be right. I chose to go on WW because I am a valuable person and I respect myself too much to go on abusing my body. It has been a labor of love. I finally decided to be a little selfish and put me first. From reading lots of motivational websites written by REAL people, I am beginning to understand that more and more motivation is the most powerful force. If you're losing weight to get back at someone, for a certain activity (reunion, wedding, etc.), to compete with a thinner friend/sib, EXCLUSIVE of doing it for yourself, the chances are higher that your motivation may wane. (If you do it FOR you and it happens that you're also getting married, or have your 20 year reunion coming up, that's different.)

2. Support...If you don't have it, find it. If you still don't have it, read back over number one and become your OWN support and hang out here on the boards with all these good people. My husband has been on the program with me and that has made a HUGE difference. I have to say, though, for some reason this time was so different (again, read number one) and even when he DID cheat I simply said...no thanks. Don't want it. Not worth it. My sister, my friend (Jen), and all you good people were all wonderful supports.

3. There is no such thing as off program. If this is truly a lifestyle change, and if it isn't you're statistically destined to fail, then you will be eating this way ALWAYS! Now wait, if you're in your second week (aka the week of hunger) and you're thinking "Oh my MAUDE, I am going to have to starve myself for the rest of my life..." relax. You're first of all going to become used to feeling SATISFIED as opposed to stuffed and then you'll hate that former feeling of "ugh, someone shoot me". Plus, you'll learn how to manage your food so that you can get the biggest bang for your buck. Don't like "health food?" Trust me, if you dedicate to this your tastes change so that other foods just feel too heavy or greasy and the thought of them makes your tummy flip flop.

4. Move your hiney! You aren't going to lose weight very fast if you're not burning extra calories (duh, she says to herself, that was profound). Also, as you lose, especially if you have more than 50 to lose (like I did) you're going to want to look thin and FIT not thin and saggy. Exercise will help, not diminish, that. I look at my saggy body, which isn't as saggy as it could have been, and I realize that this is my penance for abusing my body so badly for so many years. Somehow I'm glad it isn't perfect because this journey isn't impossible, but it is a journey with hills and valleys that takes effort and somehow if it was too easy, it might not seem as profound.

5. Celebrate your goals! Make small goals and celebrate them. Find an anchor and add to it. I bought a Zopinni bracelet when I had lost 25 pounds. It had three charms. I've added 1 charm for every 10 pounds lost. It now has eight charms and each charm represents something that I enjoy/love. There is:

I=for me...I did this for me
heart=represents the love for my husband
Mickey Mouse=Love Disney
Musical note=Love of music
Computer=Enamored with computers
Apple=LOVE LOVE LOVE teaching
Fish=Represents my faith in God
Butterfly=love of nature

For my last one I haven't quite decided yet...it needs to be something profound!

Find ways to say to yourself, "You are doing a good job! Way to go!"

6. Incorporate the foods you love into your eating plan. Don't even wait for a special occassion to do so. Find a lower calorie version, if that will suffice. If not, plan to have the things you love every few weeks.

7. Stock your house with the good stuff...NOT the bad stuff! I don't care if everyone else in your house looks like Calista Flockheart on a hunger strike. NO ONE needs a house full of chips, ice cream, and chocolate. I'm not saying you can't eat those things, but if they are red light food...do NOT keep them in your house. Unless you are a teen, you are in charge, at least partially, of how your kitchen is stocked. The kids do NOT need Ding Dongs and Ho Hos. (Do you want them to have to deal with a weight issue when THEY grow up?) If your partner just can't give up deep fried Twinkies (yes, there is such a beast) then ask him/her to eat it somewhere else so you won't be tempted. Don't eat and fix separate meals! What message do you want to send your family? That when mommy/daddy "diets" they eat icky food? Or do you want to instead prepare healthy, wholesome, low fat, high nutrition, tastey meals that teach them that eating healthy equals eating well?

8. Know your points! Carry your slide thingy with you, or if you're a geek (like me), carry the point values on a handheld computer. Journal EVERY meal EVERY day!

9. Learn from your mistakes! When you go overboard, don't flagellate yourself and wear sackcloth and ashes. Identify the trigger. Brainstorm ways to handle it next time. Act on those plans. Leave it behind.

10. NO EXCUSES! Did I say this before? I mean it! There will always be stress, holidays, holy days, bad days, good days, deaths (unfortunately), births (fortunately), parties, that TOM (unless you're a man...if you suffer from this, see a dr), potlucks, food pushing family members, etc. Learn these words, "Wow, thank you so much! I appreciate the offer, but no thanks right now." Practice saying it in front of the mirror. When you know you're going to come upon a holiday, for example, pre-journal what you're going to eat so you can walk up to the table with confidence, try your favorite things, and load up on low and no point foods. Better yet, here's something I did for Turkey day. Make an entire holiday dinner a week or two before. Make it low point, but do it all...do it up right. Then have this meal at home in your own kitchen, with the fancy linens and plates and your family. Pre-journal so you know how much of everything you're going to eat. (I put the entire thing into the recipe thingy online at WW.) ENJOY!! Then, fix the leftovers into meal size dishes to take for lunches. THEN, choose one or two things that are smashing to take with you to your holiday dinner! This way you take the magic out of the food, and concentrate on the company. I took a 2 point a slice pumpkin pie so I had a dessert I enjoyed and could enjoy more things. I actually banked 2 points on Thanksgiving and I did not go without anything.

11. Use your bank and work the program! Do you eat more on weekends because you're out and about? I do! So...I bank every day during the week so I can enjoy on the weekends. If I know there's a pizza party after school Wednesday, I make a light lunch for that day and enjoy a slice with my students. Work the program so it works for you!

Those are just some of the things I've learned on this program. For the record, I've been on maintenance a week now and have banked every day still...(I know that isn't saying much compared to people who have been lifetime for years, but I'm pretty proud.) I haven't changed my eating or lifestyle one whit because this truly IS a lifestyle change for me!

I hope someone finds this helpful!

posted by Unknown # 9:24 PM

Got the test results today. All is apparently not perfect, but not too bad. It appears to be a benign tumor. They'll do some tests when I return from vacation just to make sure it isn't cancerous. (The chances are very slim, but you've got to make sure.) They also need to find out what kind of tumor it is. Some are no biggie, others require surgery (as I've been reading in Merck's...which will scare the crap out of you if you read it before a diagnosis, so I do not suggest it. For example, I read the pancreatic cancer has a very poor cure/remission rate. Lovely!)

So that's that! To say I'm relieved is an understatement. The Dr. said it's something that, by all rights, we shouldn't have even found and would probably never have bothered me, ever. That was very reassuring. Now I can go on my vacation, have fun, surprise my family with the new half-a me, and take LOTS of "after" pictures.

So last night, awaiting the news, I couldn't sleep. Normally not a huge deal, but tonight is the Lock In LAN Party. I am a teacher and adviser for Future Information Technology Professionals. FITP is a group of students (geeks) who are interested in careers in the IT industry. They are also highly into all things geek:

Star Wars
Lord of the Rings (currently playing on the DVD player...mine, no I don't teach at Beverly Hills High School
LINUX
Gaming
Souped up computers, modded to the max. (Think about the car guys you know who love to tinker with their engines, jack up their cars, and modify them so that they run meaner, cleaner, and leaner. This is the same breed of kid, only it's with computers.)
Pizza, Mt. Dew (Code Red...best cavity to can ratio out there), and chips (the official Geek Diet).
Star Trek (not quite as cool as Star Wars, but right up there.

So I have a room of 57 kids (well, four rooms, each with a chaperone) playing all sorts of games, some with their own computers, one room with consoles (Xbox, PS2, GameCube) where a Dance Dance Revolution contest is currently going on (I will join in later, as I am a DDR freak), all playing games or watching movies. There are mostly boys...five girls dared to join us this evening. They are all flavor of wonderful, wacky, geek and I love them to death.

But what does that have to do with no sleep last night? Well this isn't just ANY LAN party, this is a lock in and that means that they are here all night long. The party goes from noon to 6 a.m. so no sleep for Tory until tomorrow around 7. Oy vey am I going to be tired!

Here is our schedule for this evening:

Noon--Party starts
Check in...everyone gets a name tag, a housefly stamped on their hands, and is checked for appropriate parental permission.
General gaming
Alumni arrive, late as they have jobs and college, to see that their former teacher has shrunk
Spiderman
CS Tournament, using skins so we're in compliance
Lord of the Rings--The Fellowship of the Ring
DDR Tournament
First person falls asleep, at which point they receive the "ice storm" treatment...performed by their favorite teacher who stands over them tossing little pieces of ice upon their person.
Simpsons Festival( around 2 a.m. or so gotta have something stupid to keep us awake).
Mrs. K (that would be me) starts singing showtunes in an effort to stay awake and stay happy around 3 a.m.
4:00 a.m. Mrs. K blearily starts the countdown to 6 a.m.
5:30 breakfast of cinnamon rolls and sugary juice so I can send them home ultra sugared up
6:00 CLEAN UP...Mrs. K goes home and passes out.

Gotta go! My turn on the CS tournament!

posted by Unknown # 7:38 PM

Wednesday, December 18, 2002

This is a test...

This is a test of the emergency stress system...

So the last two days have been interesting. I feel like I'm always writing about my owies, but in all honesty I never get sick. So I go in yesterday for the results of my CT scan and they say yeah, I had a kidney stone. It was passing...but.

*thud*

But?

So I guess they found something on my pancreas that "bears further investigation."

*thud*

I swear it felt like all the blood drained right out of my body. Dr. said not to worried so that's the official stance. I'm not worrying.

So today I got to get up and drink a nice barium smoothie for breakfast. Yummy! (I wonder how many points in 2 liters of barium?) So now I glow, just like Rudolph. Then had to go in and lie in a tube while they scanned me up one side and down the other with an IV in my arm that made my VERY hot. That was wild.

So the test was...here is your quota of stress for the month do you:

If you guessed B, you win a pickle! I am quite pleased to say I did NOT go off program one bit. I even worked out for an hour and a half last night. It really REALLY helped alleviate my stress. This morning I got up and worked out and then again this afternoon. Both yesterday and today I banked my normal 9 points.

Here is how I look at it...when life throws you loops that you can't control, control what you can. I can't control what my stupid pancreas is doing, or the outcome of the CT...but I can control what I put into my mouth and I can control how much exercise I get.

So there you have it! Very cool, huh? I get my test results Friday and I'm hoping it is nothing...I'm sure it will be. Fortunately there have been lots of prayers headed up to heaven on my behalf, so hopefully God is listening. I know He is and I know He's in control of those things, so I'll just control the things I can.

Tory out!

posted by Unknown # 11:55 PM

Monday, December 16, 2002

Maintenance-Day One

So today was (obviously) my first day on maintenance. I made a mistake at the end of the day and ate 4 points instead of 2. (My secret santa sent me a sucker, I looked up calories online and found them but they were for the wrong thing. Found the right thing when I got home and discovered that they were 100 calories each, not the 60 I thought.) No biggie. I had 7 points left after dinner so I just journaled those 2 more and didn't have the peanut butter toast I was planning.

Anyhow, my point range went up to 22-27 from 18-23 but I just can't eat above 20. I kind of still want to lose a few to have some wiggle room around 130, so I decided this week to do 20-25 instead of 22-27. If I lose, great. I actually felt most comfortable at 20-25, banking 5 a day. I still am able to do three meals a day (lunch, dinner, and evening...I rarely eat in the morning). I pretty much eat what I want to. Okay, that's a lie...I'd really like to eat peanut butter brownies for lunch every day, but I enjoy the range and could eat that way forever if I had to. I hope I don't have to. But I could.

I wonder if everyone has this tentative feeling when they start maintenance? I'm just afraid if I add too many points I'll gain and then I'll never lose it. Which of course, is completely silly. If I were to gain all I'd have to do is cut back for a week or two and I'd be fine. I just can't get out of my head that I don't want to go the other way. I only had one gain during my weight loss (a few no loss weeks, but only one gain), so the idea of gaining now just seems like a failure, somehow.

Yeah, silly. I know. I'm a dork.

So didn't get to the doctor today because they said my appointment was 2:30, which I would never have made since I don't get off work until 3:30. I go in tomorrow to find out if I need to have my stones removed or crunched up or something. I'm afraid something is still in there. I've had some kidney pain today. This just sucks! Oh well...could be worse. Could be raining! (Two points if you can guess the movie.)

Going to be short today, but I need to get to bed at a decent time tonight. Friday night I'm having a lock in LAN party (all night computer gaming) for my students so I need to be well rested! Take care!

posted by Unknown # 9:57 PM

Sunday, December 15, 2002

A WW Support Blog link. Weight Watchers Support

posted by Unknown # 10:54 PM

Excuses Excuses Excuses!

Please someone just kick me hard if I ever post a blog that reads like this...

Well I wasn't really on program this week. First it was the twin's birthday and of course no one else wanted to eat the leftover cake, so I felt I had to. Then Tuesday we went out to dinner and even though I could have gone to Dottie's Weight Loss Zone and checked points before I left, I just didn't feel like it. I didn't have any banked since last night I ate 2 pints of Ben and Harry's Super Fat Flavored Fat Infused Fat Cream. Oops! I don't know what's wrong with me!

Then last night DH...

Okay, let me just interject here. For some reason I just hate that acronym "DH" which stands for "Darling Husband." First of all, it just makes me want to gag. I mean my husband is a darling and he is also a husband, I don't call him darling husband or DH. I do call him Beaner sometimes, which someone once mistook for making a racial slur, but really it had NOTHING to do with that. But when I write I will call him my husband or Roy. So if I use the term DH, again you may kick me hard.

But I digress.

Back to my rant...

Then last night DH brought home 3 dozen Mrs. Feelgood cookies. How was I to know they were 14 points a piece!? I mean YES, I could have looked in the online journal or just assumed that probably cookies made out of pure lard with lard nuggets and macadamia covered lard nuts were going to be pretty high in points, but I really like my condo on Denial, so leave me alone. So I was so mad after finding out just how bad it was that I yelled at DH and pushed him down the stairs. How dare he sabotage me like that!

Oh you've read the posts. They are what some wonderful wacky friends of mine like to call attention whores. They don't really want to BE on Weight Watchers...as in work the program. They just want to eat what they want and the pounds will melt away. They're the ones who are convinced that all skinny people are evil and can eat anything they want without gaining a pound. (Which I am finding just is NOT true in most cases. I see a LOT of those people I used to mentally kick when I saw them, just for being skinny, at the gym working their behinds off.) These same people (the attention whores, not the skinny ones) will then post a blog or a post on the WW site three days later that says they're going to quit. This will spawn a bunch of replies from similar AHes saying "NO! Don't quit! We all have bad days!" (Of course YOU seem to have more bad days than good because you choose not to practice self control.)

Then the whole thing just starts all over again.

What brought this on? Well I was looking for other blogs related to WW and maintenance in hopes that I could get some insight and I found a whole page of different blogs and almost every one had said they had either fallen off the "wagon" (what wagon? It's just food!), were getting back on the wagon (yeah, heard that before), or were giving up and driving the wagon off a cliff.

So I'm giving you permission. If I ever post a "I don't know why I did it, but I ate an entire family of pygmies covered in chocolate. I couldn't stop myself" type post, you have my permission to kick the living shit out of me.

Have an iced ay.

posted by Unknown # 10:48 PM

California Here I Come

Only one week and I'll be sitting in sunny California with my family. This is going to be an interesting trip. You see, only my two sisters, Kendra and Tammy, know I've lost weight. So for everyone else (my brother, his partner, my parents, etc.) this will be a complete surprise.

So why didn't I tell them? Well I set out to tell everyone. When I visited in April I had lost about 25-30 pounds and couldn't wait for someone to say something. But no one said ANYTHING! They all said that I looked good, but no one said, "Wow, have you lost weight?" So I just waited...my mom started to say something at one point, but we got interrupted.

So I figured...well, I'll wait and see what they say next time.

See part of it is I was afraid I'd proclaim my desire and efforts to lose weight and then I'd fail. I've done that before. Hasn't everyone? That's embarassing! So I thought, "I'll just wait and see."

So I'm really excited. Part of me is a little freaked out about it too. I don't know why. I can't even put into words why. I feel like in a lot of ways I'm completely a different person. Not that I'm better because I have lost weight. Not by a long shot. But I feel more confident, more secure in things. I know that I don't have to do the "Yes I am a valid person even though I'm fat" dance any more and that eases a lot of pressure. Trust me, if you're not fat and have never been fat, you can't really appreciate the silent pressure put on fat people. We are seen as stupid, lazy, dumb, ugly, less than human, deserving of being overlooked at best and ridiculed at worst. Yes, there are all types of prejudice and I think everyone at some points feels the pain of the experience.

So I'm afraid that I'll be different or they'll be different towards me, which is probably just stupid. I mean I want them to be happy for me, but I don't want them to be proud of me. Does that make sense? I mean be proud of me for my masters degree, the excellence with which I approach my job, my passion for teaching, but not because I shaved off a few pounds.

Maybe what I'm saying is be balanced about the entire thing. This is not the greatest thing in the world that has ever happened to me. It is great, yes. I love feeling in control and strong and healthy. I am very proud of the changes I have made in my life. But it isn't my greatest nor my most important accomplishment and I'm afraid if people act like it is, I'll be resentful that other accomplishments that were more valuable to me went unnoticed.

I'm just being silly. I think it's going to be a great trip. I'm staying with my brother. He's going to have a makeover done on me. That's what I wanted for Christmas! I think it will be fun. He knows a lot of designers and stylists and even is in the process of filming a TV show on makeovers, so he'll do a great job. I just hope he keeps my tastes in mind and doesn't try to force me to do anything I don't want to do. Ah who am I fooling? I'm going to be his toy for a day.

Roy is going to take pictures of the whole thing. I'll post pictures when I return.

Of course while we're there we're going to also visit Disneyland. I can't wait. I love Disneyland. It's my favorite place in the whole wide world! Roy and I spend a LOT of time there. I can't wait to see Mickey again and get some pictures taken looking smaller than the characters! (I mean have you SEEN some of those pictures of me? shudder

So I'll write this week, but next week I'll be gone for the most part. So you'll have to wait until after the new year to chat with me!

posted by Unknown # 10:32 PM

SCOOORRRREEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today was the day! I made goal! Wahoo! I felt like a Mexican Soccer Color Commentator was standing in my kitchen screaming "SCOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!" Hee hee.

I feel awesome! It's been a really rough week with recurring kidney stones (Friday was just plain HELL). I've been eating on program all week, but Friday didn't exercise, although it feels like you should definitely get some Activity Points for passing kidney stones, they hurt bad enough. I sure didn't eat that day, though. I think all told I had 10 points because I just felt so rotten all day.

But I made it! I'm so excited to start maintenance. I have a feeling that, in a way, it will be more difficult than weight loss because with loss you actually see results on the scale each week. Will my resolve wane when all I see is the same number? Then there is the fear that upping my points will have me gaining. I know that a gain of one or two pounds can be taken right back off, but I've only gained once in the last 10.5 months so it would probably really bum me out.

So I feel like I need to make new goals to work towards since I've reached my weight loss goal. My new goals for the new me are:

Increase the reps on my weight lifting each week by at least one rep per cycle.
Do at least 700 sit ups per week.
Lose 2 inches around my waist.
Work out every day for the rest of the year.

I need some long term goals, too. I'm going to have to think on those. Maybe tomorrow I'll have them up. For my present main goal I'll work on maintaining my loss through the end of the year, since I will be spending two weeks in California with my family.

Roy has lost 69 pounds now and is looking hot. I'm so proud of him...so proud to walk on his arm. Of course I always have been. He's the best husband in the world. Do you know what he did today? He stood in line for over an hour to get Ann Rule's autograph for me. He knows I love her true crime books (fascinating stuff) so instead of shopping for himself while I lunched with a friend, he stood in line. Of course he was only there because he drove me into Everett to have lunch with Kathy. I was afraid that I might have another kidney stone episode and didn't want to drive myself. He didn't even blink. I'm telling you...best man in the world, and he's mine!

I celebrated today with a lunch at Olive Garden (soup and salad), dinner at Azteca, and the movie "Nemisis." It was a good day! (And no, I did not go over points. In fact, I still have some to eat tonight if I want to.)

So on to maintenance! Wish me luck!

Tory out!

posted by Unknown # 12:11 AM

Out of my head and onto the page

Friday, December 20, 2002