I am woman!

Oh I feel so GOOD lately! I posted this yesterday (Friday) but it didn't take so I'm going to re-write it.

Yesterday after work I went to the gym. I did the following

• Elliptical for 25 minutes at level 5-7
• Stair stepper for 10 minutes on level 3-4
• Treadmill for 25 minutes, inclined to 3, at 3-3.5 mph

A week ago I was too weak to go to the gym.

Two weeks ago I was still in the hospital!

I am so completely thrilled with how fast my recovery is going. I feel like I could climb mountains! There is very little pain (relative to what was going on just a week ago). I did NOT work through the pain, so no scolding emails, please. I paced myself and when I felt pain I scaled back. That's why I only did 10 on the stairclimber. That one was bothering me a little after 10 minutes.

Today I got up and went to Curves for the first time in three weeks. I was able to do most of the machines, although I worked at a much lower intensity. I was smart and didn't try to do anything that overworked my abs, and I took it relatively easy on the recovery stations.

I then went to the YMCA and did 30 minutes on the elliptical.

I feel so good! I'm going to totally kick pancreas-ass on this next surgery!

Today while I was on the elliptical I was going to get off after 20 minutes because I was starting to tire. There was a news show on about a junior high school student in Redmond, WA who was born with his knees fused together and twisted behind him and three inch arms. So guess what sport this kid goes out for? Basketball! I'm watching this and I'm thinking "If this guy can do that...if he can drag himself onto the court and play a game that requires speed, height, and quick movement knowing full well that he can't perform like the other kids. If he can do that, I can do this. I can work hard and beat this tumor into submission. I can build up my body so that it is strong, hard, and lean for the next surgery. If it is cancer, God forbid, I can beat that. I can put my effort into using the wonderful, healthy body God gave me to the best of its ability."

Don't people like that kid inspire you? I also saw a 20/20 last night about a girl born with no arms who does everything her peers do. She's a cheerleader, she's learning to drive, she takes care of all of her needs without assistance. She is an incredible young lady at the age of 17! How DARE I spend so many years abusing my healthy body when people who are born with major physical issues are making the most of the limited bodies God gave them!

So THAT, my friends, is why I am going to continue to (carefully) push myself. I am going to because I can, because I'm blessed, and because I am determined to be the best I can be.

Dammit!

I created a blog yesterday and for some reason it didn't post. That pisses me off.

Oh well...

You know, I've encountered some quitters in my life this week. They weren't related to weight loss, but they were quitters nevertheless. It was frustrating because I put a lot of heart and soul into the situation and yet, they quit.

Why do people quit? I will honestly say I just don't get that. I'm not saying that there has never been something in my life that I haven't continued to pursue. Surely there have been things that I've started and chosen, for whatever reason, not to continue. But quit? I rarely ever quit.

I don't understand the mentality of quitting when something starts to get a little rough.

Okay, I'll tell you to what I'm referring. I was out for two weeks with the surgery. During the second week I got a lot of emails and instant messages from students telling me they missed me, that they couldn't learn, they didn't like the sub, they were completely lost.

Not only was that an ego boost, but it was impetus to go back to work a week earlier than planned. I teach a difficult subject and it is a challenge to learn when the teacher isn't around. It is not, however, impossible.

On top of that, the peer teaching that I had set up fell through. The second year students just flaked and did a horrible job with presentations, overall. Some were fine, I understand, but most put very little into it. That disappointed me because I depended on them to help the first year students understand. During the first year we do a lot of peer teaching, so they were all trained in doing this.

A few stood out and did an excellent job, but most just blew it off like it didn't count. Thank you to the Chrises who took it seriously.

The second day I was back, three students in one class dropped the class. Why?

• Because you're always gone...I was gone two weeks. One of the weeks was finals week so they had my class exactly two days, one of those days they were taking a final.
• I'm not learning anything in this class because you are gone and are going to be gone again.
• I know I won't be able to do it on my own when you're gone...as if I'm just going to leave them with books, slabs of stones, and chisels and expect them to do it all on their own. My curriculum is actually quite well laid out.

Have to say, that really hurt. Why? Well this isn't a regular class. Some of these kids I've had in class, often more than one period a day, for two and a half years. We have a very collegial atmosphere in my classroom. We talk together, troubleshoot together, and we...and I mean we...learn together. When they leave, it's hard. I respect their need to move on, but part of me feels like they just quit.

Don't think that means I don't like them any more, nor that I'm angry. To the contrary. I care very deeply for them, or I wouldn't be hurt. Many have said "Let them go! Who cares!?" Well...I care! That's why it bothers me. I still respect them, have great affection for them, and would do anything for them if needed...but I'm hurt and confused that they quit my class.

I see a lot of quitters in my life. Like I said, I don't get that. I'm the type of person who starts something and sees it through, even if for some reason I hate it. I'm sure some would be completely puzzled by that attitude. Why do something you don't like? Well I will move on from something...a job, for example, that isn't working out. I will choose not to continue to pursue something. But I won't quit when I've made a commitment.

I think that is why I've been so successful on this program. I committed to myself to do this for two years. I refuse to quit for two years. I've hit one year and recommitted to another two. Once I make a committment, I follow through. My word is, honestly, my bond...even if the only person I gave my word to was myself.

I see people on boards all day "It's not working! I'm quitting! I gained a pound!" and I wonder...why did you start if you didn't intend to see it through?

Now I know that sounds judgemental, but be honest. We all judge each other all of the time. I'm trying to say I don't understand that attitude, not that I'm judging that attitude.

So why quit? Even if the scale isn't being very nice to you, how come you can't see the other positive changes? Oh yeah, I know it's frustrating, but are we only doing this for cosmetic reasons? I hope not! Regardless of what I weigh, I'm still going to sag, bag, get wrinkles, and grey hair. I'll never look great in everyone's eyes.

Regardless of what the scale says, if I continue to eat right and exercise, I'm a winner! My body benefits every single time I eat an apple, finish a round on the elliptical, or lift some weights. Why would I ever quit that?

I got some pictures back from two summers ago. Oh my good lord above...I looked horrible. Why did I think I looked okay? Why did I allow myself to get like that? How can I ever go back??

I can't!

I won't!

I will never quit!